I can hear you now

I shed a few tears... again...over my new BAHA 3.  I realized last week that many of my readers and facebook friends have been confused about my BAHA...and the fact that I even had an implant...and maybe, for a few, that I am hearing impaired.  So I thought for the sake of my kids and those who care to know..I would write about my journey.

When I was 10 years old, in the fall of my 5th grade year, I became very ill with some sort of virus.  I had also been battling an abscessed tooth.  Sometime during that fall, my parents were alerted by a friend that I had been hanging up the phone when they called the house.  I remembering saying no one was there.  My dad had access to a hearing test machine and so he did a little test in the basement of our house..and he pronounced... she's not hearing anything in her right ear.  So off to my regular doctor I went..who referred me to an ENT..who said I was profoundly deaf in my right ear.  And from there they took me to Mayo Clinic in the spring and they also pronounced me profoundly deaf in my right ear because all of the nerves were dead and there was nothing to be done.  We never really found the cause but we assume it had something to do with the virus, the tooth, or a combination of both. I remember being very sad but also not really knowing how it would change my life.

Well, life changed dramatically for me.  I never really talked about my hearing loss and I don't think I ever really told anyone about it in high school.  Although, I know my close friends knew.  But as life progressed, I started to realize how much I missed...particularly because I had close friends and my husband by my side telling me.  I remember shortly after Eric and I were married that the Cochlear implant became news and I said to him, "If anything ever comes about to help me with my hearing, I will do it".

Well, I can tell you that being deaf in one ear is at times worse that being just plain deaf... well, maybe not..except everyone expects me to hear because I appear to be a hearing person.  I have spent most of my life with no directional hearing, never hearing in stereo, being afraid for my safety crossing the street (actually was hit by a bike once), being the last to get the joke, being called stuck up and, eventually becoming pretty social phobic because hearing socially was emotionally draining.  I am very fortunate to have a fantastic husband who has always been my "hearing aid".  And I have great friends who always made sure I didn't miss anything or I sat in the right place.  And I learned to read lips very well.  But my husband and all of my friends will say they preferred to be on my left side and avoid my black hole as I like to call it...because if you're on my deaf side you might as well not be there. 

Well in 2007, when Brenden went to the ENT to have his vocal cords assessed, the nurse asked him if anyone had trouble hearing him he said, "Yes, my mom, but she doesn't count because she's deaf in one ear". And that's when the nurse asked if I had heard of Cochlear's BAHA which I hadn't..she got me a brochure and I don't know I heard much more of Brenden's appointment.  I came home with a leap in my step and an excitement deep in my soul.

I made the appointment to see if I was a good candidate. After finding out I was, we proceeded to gain approval from my insurance company which for many people proved difficult.  But in a very short time I was approved and my surgery to place the titanium post in my skull was scheduled.  On March 28, 2008 my life was changed.  The hardest part of surgery was not being able to wash my hair...much at all...for over a month.  Eric was really good about helping me.  And in June, after the post was fully oseointegrated, I received my first processor called the Cochlear Divino. 

Annie (my good friend) and Eric went along.  My first experience with "hearing" was quite overwhelming...I remember stepping out of the office and hearing the birds, the cars, the people, the wind all at one time.  And for quite awhile after that, when I would hear something new, I would stop in amazement and sometimes shed some tears.  The first time I heard the piano in church, I sobbed uncontrollably, and had to actually get up and leave.  It was as if I had been hearing in black and white for 33 years and someone turned the color on...my flat world became very full. 

My sound processor attaches to my abutment and it picks up sound and passes it to my good cochlea in my left ear through vibrations through my skull.  So essentially, I "hear" everything still on my left side.  But I pick up sound on my right side and my brain has learned to distinguish the difference but I'm still pretty directionally hearing challenged.  And if I don't have my processor on..I am my own deaf self...which sometimes I just prefer to be.

My Divino was just that..I popped it on, turned it on, and went.  My new BAHA 3 is digital and has three settings..normal, for background noise, and for my iPod...yes, I can plug directly into my processor and hear music in my head... very cool. 



I can't believe it has been four years since my initial surgery. Biomedical engineering is absolutely amazing!
The pictures to follow are from 2008 to present.

First post-op picture in 2008...scarves of all sorts were my fashion accessory of choice

After my first post-op visit and dressing change...this is called the healing cap and I still have it

A few weeks after the initial surgery in 2008...the site is essentially a skin graft

My first processor..the Cochlear Divino..very simple with a volume control only

What my abutment looks like today

Audiologist hooking me up with my BAHA 3 to the computer

My hearing test through my BAHA...and adjusting it to my specific needs

Me..hooking it up and turning it on by myself for the first time..looks very similar but it is completely different.  The sound quality through this digital version is amazing compared to my old Divino.

I have a post that my processor attaches to so I can share the experience with anyone who wants to hear what I hear..it's pretty fascinating and I love seeing the look on people's faces.

I will say...that after four years..many people around me can tell when I don't have my processor on and I do still miss things...but considering it all... I don't think you'll be able to sneak up on me on my deaf side....I can hear you now. ;)

I am blessed!

God Bless,

love,

Monica

It's never too sappy... share the love!

Last year on Valentine's Day, Eric and I were spending his last day of leave together.  It was a bittersweet day because we both knew we had to say goodbye again the next morning.  He bought me my 25th anniversary diamond and we enjoyed breakfast and lunch together.  Sending him back to Afghanistan the next morning was the most difficult thing I have ever done...worse than saying goodbye the first time he shipped.

This morning I was thinking about last year and was reminded of eleven years ago..... Valentine's Day morning... My sweet husband woke up early with a plan in hand.  Actually, he had a back pack sprayer on his back.  We had snow covering the ground.  He knew the first thing I always did was wake up and raise the shade in the bedroom.  And I did.  And much to my surprise, I found my Valentine in the snow.  It was the sweetest Valentine ever and I will always remember the surprise and love I felt when I discovered it.

That same day we had bad weather...or maybe it was the day before...I'm not really sure.  But Brady kept insisting he wanted to walk uptown.  And I kept telling him no.  It came to the point of me scolding him because he would not quit.  He had a plan and he was not going to give up.  But it was very cold and finally I said I would take him..to which he said I couldn't because he had a surprise.  And, finally, it came out that he was going to buy roses for me with his own money.  It was the sweetest moment for me as a mom and a very humbling one.  If I remember correctly, I did drive him to the floral shop in the icey, cold snow and I kept my eyes closed as best I could as he climbed into the back of our big, purple van.  And then he presented me with the roses in the picture above. 

Single person awareness day... oh bah.... it is spread the love day... Share the love with all those around you.  It is just a happy day. 

Happy Valentine's Day!
Love and God Bless,
Monica

"Cheese Crust Pizza"

http://www.eat-drink-smile.com/2011/04/cauliflower-crust-pizza.html

Enjoy.... it is really simple and so easy to pat into a circle.  I let it sit for a few minutes and it served up nicely.  But it is fork pizza....not finger pizza.  After I had eaten dinner, I ran an errand.  The lady helping me commented that whatever I made for dinner smelled delicious on me.  ;) If you are not a garlic fan you might wish to cut back on either of those ingredients.  I also didn't need to cook the cauliflower in the microwave for as long as it stated...and I grated mine with a cheese grater pretty quickly (well, I was trying to hurry to hide that ingredient).

Bob's Red Mill Gluten Free Flour is really my favorite blend so far...and it made a great pie crust at Thanksgiving. It is available online but I've had great success finding it in my local grocery stores, too.

http://www.bettycrocker.com/recipes/peanut-butter-cookies/b1bc87be-3fa5-4957-974b-e15d40aca4aa#?st=6&term=gluten free cookies&ps=9&pi=9&fv=AND(HasGridViewImage%3ATrue)





Gluten Free Bisquick is another favorite...pancakes taste exactly the same.

And, finally, my favorite bread is Udi's.  I have tried a few brands and this one has the best taste and seems the most "normal".  I made our traditional breakfast casserole with it this year and everyone liked it better than the original.  So that speaks volumes about this bread because most gluten free bread tastes like dust..or grainy.  Be prepared though... it is pricey. 

Even if you don't need to eat gluten free...the pizza is worth a try... great way to get some extra veggies in..and garlic is awesome for you, too!

God Bless,

Love,

Monica

Don't blow my cover....

I haven't felt particularly inspired to write for quite awhile. I usually find inspiration when I'm on my bike...and considering this very warm winter we are having... I should be on my bike.  But I've been thinking a lot about my blog lately and how much it meant to me during the deployment.  And now that the deployment is behind us I've contemplated creating something new...except I love my Pugh sitters here.  And so, while we are still a military family, you will start finding me write more about our daily lives...all kinds of things, actually. 

Many of you may not know that our daughter-in-law, Sarah, has celiac disease and is allergic to wheat and I am also gluten intolerant....well, they diagnosed me with celiac, too. But I'm still slightly in denial. For the past three years I have been on a hunt for recipes and spent many hours searching for ways to eat our favorite things gluten free.  Quite frankly, eating gluten free and reading every label for wheat allergens (including shampoos and the like), really sucks the life out of the cake and gravy! But never fear...we have recently had much success.  And I see delish cakes and cookies in our future!  While it is difficult, I can tell you that living gluten free has really changed my health and saved Sarah's life.  So it is all worth it for sure. 

While Eric was deployed, I learned I needed to be even more cautious with label reading.  I had been avoiding breads and all of the obvious gluten items.  But, I hadn't been reading all of the fine print for myself.  Turkey and sour cream are two examples that a person might think they don't have to worry about.  But modified food starch, unless it is labeled corn, is made from wheat.  And it is used often as a thickener or flavor enhancer.  Who knew? 

Also, having celiac disease and being allergic to wheat are two different things.  I am not allergic to wheat.  What I have is like being diabetic..if I eat wheat, rye, or barley, I do invisible damage to my intestines and may or may not give me a very bad stomachache.  Diabetics can get away with eating some sugar....but eventually the damage they may do becomes irreversible.  The same is true with celiac disease.  Or I can eat properly and my body will heal.  Did you know diabetes and celiac disease are both autoimmune diseases?  Sarah's wheat allergy requires her to carry an epi pen. 

Well, thanks to my mom, Brenden thought he was cheating the gluten issue when he enjoyed some delicious cookies she had made over Christmas.  Bren was at our house without Sarah...and then I informed him they were gluten free...he said, "Aw, man, I thought I was getting away with something and eating the real deal"!  A crumb on Bren's lips could pose quite a problem for Sarah if he kisses her.  So he stays clear of gluten and wheat, too. 

Last week, I found a wonderful recipe for "cheese" crust pizza.  I believe this is going to be the next classic "cheesy noodles" recipe in our family.  When the boys were little, the only way they would eat tuna casserole was to tell them it was cheesy noodles.  And in the beginning, I used to blender the sauce so they couldn't see the tuna chunks.  But they grew up loving it as one of their favorite dishes.  And then Brady went to college and called home for the recipe..and my cover was blown.  Well, my cheese crust pizza is going to stay a secret for awhile until they fall in love with it..and then I'll reveal the recipe on here.  I loved it and Lare and Ayden licked it all right up without asking. They didn't even seem to notice the huge grin I sported. 

btw...I seem to do fine with beer made from barley..but I stay away from wheat beers...and there are some good gluten free beers on the market, too.  If you are really sensitive to gluten, all beer must be avoided which I did for a very long, long time.  And then I tested it to see if I had any symptoms which I did not.  And I would if it bothered me, because the longer I am away from gluten the faster I get sick if I get into something accidentally. But everything in moderation is still a good rule to follow...even if it is gluten free cake!

God Bless and happy February!
love,
Monica
James 1:12

History is always in the making

December 7th, 1941.  I can't imagine the grief torn through the families who had loved ones stationed there.  And I'm sure there were many days of chaos and uncertainty as they waited to hear of survivors.  Both of my parents were around 10 years old when Pearl Harbor became history in the making.  While Pearl Harbor is history, so is our year of deployment.  Both changed my life.  But one  made me appreciate the sacrifice the military families in 1941 made for me. 

Over the last couple of weeks I have been revisiting the history of my life as I decorated my house for the holidays.  Last year at this time my heart was lacking the spirit with Brady and Eric gone.  So decorations were very limited.  But this year I have gone through every box and reminisced and we put out almost every decoration we own.

One of my Christmas trees was my Grandma Pieper's.  I can't believe I still have it.  It was Eric's and my first Christmas tree as a married couple 25 years ago.  When I pull it out of the box, the smell of old polyethylene triggers a memory of my childhood at Christmas time.  I don't always put this tree up.  But there was new sentiment this year for me as I pulled it out of the box once again.  I can think back to that time in my life as a 10 year old girl and know that I had no appreciation or understanding of anything military. But I can also imagine that my Gram was overcome with fear and insecurity as Pearl Harbor happened and she was a young mother with three young children. 

Our big family tree was my mom and dad's all of my teen years.  She gave me that tree in 1996 when my oldest son Brady was about 10.  Over the years we have collected and filled that tree with all of their ornaments plus ones from my childhood and a couple my Gram used to hang on her tree.  As I pulled out each one, I was reminded of the time it was made or given.  I treasure them. All three hundred are individually wrapped and as I pull out each one I try and repeat the story of where it came from or whose it was.  My boys often say to me, "I know Mom".  But someday I hope at least one of them will appreciate the history behind them all like I do. 

A couple of our other trees, we have five, remind me of the journey we have taken as a family.  Our smallest tree was always in the stairwell of the house we built.  Our slim 7 foot tree was bought for our second country house because we had no room at the inn for a big tree.  And my white tree was purchased from a garage sale with my dearest friend, Melody.  That tree will always remind me of great times with a great friend.

 I am sure by Christmas in 1941 most of the family members of the lost soldiers knew their loved one was gone.  I'm sure Christmas that year was a very devastating time for them.  I am so thankful to be facing holidays with my soldiers home and so grateful for all our military men and women who served and lost their lives for my freedom.  Their sacrifice gives me and my family the freedom to celebrate Jesus' birth and the freedom to enjoy all these wonderful Christmas memories.

A little section of Gram's tree.  It has been decorated many ways over the years. 

I used to help my Gram put this tree together. It is very fragile and I treasure it.

My childhood radio flyer sled... We pulled the kids on it when they were little.  I adore it decorated on my porch.

Our family tree.. I think Ayden loves the tree topper because it has been around his whole life. It is his history.

This is an old ornament from my childhood...I didn't realize until I was an adult that it wasn't Jesus.  :)  But I tell my kids every year it is hung that I thought this was Jesus when I was a little girl.  They inform me they know.

And this is another ornament from my childhood... a favorite.

I hope you'll all take time to reflect  this Christmas season over your own histories, good or bad, and count your blessings. Our histories make us who we are.

God Bless,

much love and Merry Christmas,

Monica

Luke 2:11-14

For today in the city of David a savior has been born for you who is Messiah and Lord.  And this will be a sign for you: you will find an infant wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger." And suddenly there was a multitude of the heavenly host with the angel, praising God and saying: "Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests."

Thankful I'm forever changed

Post deployment.  Reintegration. Adjusting. There is help available. These were words that we heard often during the last couple months of Eric's deployment and after he returned. Eric has been home for four months.  Brady has been home for three (but only one here at home as he's now back in college).  And I haven't written much because we've been doing just that...reintegrating and adjusting.

Eric and I chatted almost everyday while he was deployed using instant messager on facebook or hotmail.  But that's really all we did..chatted.  I was his link to normal life  away from living in fear of his life. We dreamed and chatted about lots of little things and sometimes big things.  But nothing really real and nothing much about real life other than things he had missed.

I realize now deployment was its own life cycle.  Eric and I both said (considering we have a fairly healthy strong marriage grounded in our faith) we would be just fine with reintegration.  But I can tell you now,, even with a healthy strong marriage, reintegration is tough.  Deployment is kind of like an opportunity to see what it would be like if your spouse or child passed away.  Maybe that sounds morbid but it is true.  Communication is limited and not normal.  All of the responsibilities are left to the spouse and family at home.  But now I'm at the point where I can talk about it because I'm starting to see how it changed me.

I viewed deployment as time I needed to endure.  We had to discuss tough things before he left....our wills and his wishes for his funeral and burial.  And hopefully they would return, deployment would end, and life would be back to normal.  I knew deployment would change my husband and son.  I wasn't sure how or in what ways and I hoped and prayed in not bad ways.  But I never thought it would change me necessarily.  People would ask me how they were doing and many times I would choke up.  And I thought ... I can't wait for this to pass...  except now I find myself chokingup because my heart is forever changed.

When Eric left, I tucked away the thought that if something happened and he didn't return, I would have to sell our house.  But about half way through I changed my thinking as I knew I was very capable.  We had many car issues, the kitchen fire, the broken lawn mower...the list is long.  There is an unwritten law about deployment that seems to state that the minute deployment starts issues start to happen. And I learned I could deal with it all.  For all of those lessons, I am thankful.  I am thankful for the strength I gained.  It is during times of stress, distress, and unrest, we grow the most.

But I'm the most thankful for the change in my heart.  I never expected to be so emotionally responsive and understanding to many things.  I didn't realize how tight I was holding myself to endure the year.  I didn't realize how it was affecting the boys and how hard it was for them emotionally, too.  But now I see.  And now I am thankful for the experience and for the changes we embraced and are yet to face and embrace. Without a doubt, there is more to come as history has taught us.

(btw.... not only is my heart forever changed...but I've been changing my tunes on my blog ;) ... stay tuned as I am still searching for a great playlist... these are just some fun ones for life should include fun!)

God Bless,
Love,
Monica

Prayer Request
1) Please keep the Manning family in your prayers as they send their son, Dyllan overseas today.  He was a good high school friend of Brenden's. 
2) Please pray for all of the military families who are adjusting to having their soldiers home.  Deployment causes many marriages to crumble.
3) Keep all of the soldiers in your prayers as many of them are dealing with PTSD and health issues.

Be Careful

That's what Brady's friend, Cody, says to anyone who might be accepting an invitation to the Pugh's for dinner.  We started juicing about three weeks ago.  And by juicing I mean putting lots of fruits and vegetables in a juicer...not steroids (apparently that is also called juicing).  My mom casually mentioned the documentary Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead to me.  Eric and I watched it and found ourselves inspired to give it a try.  I then mentioned it to our friends, Justin and Melody, and they started juicing the next day.  They mentioned it to more friends and now we have a huge community of friends who are juicing.  Most are juicing once or twice a day for huge nutritional benefits not necessarily to lose weight. Cody just happened to be with us the day our juicer came and helped us buy our first load of produce at Costco.  We then went home for a dinner of juice....  and a family movie night of Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead on Netflix; Cody included.  The guys were inspired, as well, after the documentary...maybe I should say they held some reserved enthusiasm.  Except they are guys and the thought of seeing what happened to whatever they put in the juicer really peaked their interest more than anything I think.  So we all stood around in the kitchen while we prepped produce and oohed and ahhhed as juice came out.  And then we divided up our juice concoction and toasted to our health!  And in the days that followed we realized one juicer wasn't enough because we had to wait our turn.  So now we have two.  Laramy announced after the second day that he felt better.  That speaks volumes because he only eats raw carrots, meat, and junk food.  Brady and Ayden were in from the beginning and will basically drink anything.  Brady even bought his own juicer for his apartment.  Bren and Sarah were up and they gave it a try, too.  Logan has been the most skeptical.  But I found out he has been juicing by himself and he is trying anything I make.  And a few days ago my mom and dad started juicing, too. 

One of these things is not like the others....... well, they are nuts ;)

Pretty and colorful.... who would not love this?

Eric and I started our venture by trying to do a juice fast for ten days.  The first two days went really well and I never felt hungry although it was quite a mental game and I wished I could chew something.  By day three I had dropped four pounds and I was a little concerned about the fast weight loss but I felt great.  By the end of day three Eric and I both wanted to season our juice with some grilled chicken!  And it was then that we realized we both needed protein with our juice.  So by day four I was eating some nuts with my juice and some healthy meat with my dinner juice.  Since then we haven't really stopped juicing.  We are making it a way of life and I feel really, really good.  I juice for breakfast and lunch and eat a normal dinner. 

This is not juice...everything in moderation...we went out to eat and these are loaded waffle fries

Brady also bought a bike...not just any bike... a Giant full carbon frame bike.  It only weighs eight pounds.  And now we are all biking, too.  I am so very excited.  I completed my first RAGBRAI when I was forty-two to the surprise and amazement of my sons and husband.  Ayden bought his first bike when he was nine with his paper money and he completed his first RAGBRAI at the age of 11.  Eric has been our crew and he wasn't sure he ever wanted to bike that much until this summer.  I fixed up my first bike for him to get started and he loves it.  Logan bought a hybrid for transportation to work. And Laramy started riding Eric's bike during the day while he is at work.  Last week myself, Brady, Laramy, and Ayden rode to Pammel and back... a great accomplishment for Laramy.  And the next day Brady, Ayden, and I took Logan on a 15 mile journey mostly around town.  Logan was quite impressive with keeping up and while we nearly killed him he is inspired to start riding more with us too.  I have to say that I felt like a momma hen with her brood of chicks following behind....... it was awesome!!  We are now living with five bikes in our dining/living room and one on the porch.  I love it.

Ayden and I starting out on our 100 mile day RAGBRAI 2011..next year our group will be bigger

And so this brings me back to Cody, Brady's friend.  Brady and Laramy were heading out for a ride and Cody decided he wanted to go along.  In fact, he thought Pammel sounded like a great idea..he was in... Not the best thing to choose for your first ride with the Pugh's.  But apparently we didn't kill his spirit for riding as he says he would do it again and felt great.  He does, however, tease that everyone should be careful about any invitations they accept from the Pugh's... as dinner might just be juice and a bike ride is not just a casual stroll. 

We are enjoying summer...hope you all are too!
God Bless,
Love,
Monica