Thankful I'm forever changed

Post deployment.  Reintegration. Adjusting. There is help available. These were words that we heard often during the last couple months of Eric's deployment and after he returned. Eric has been home for four months.  Brady has been home for three (but only one here at home as he's now back in college).  And I haven't written much because we've been doing just that...reintegrating and adjusting.

Eric and I chatted almost everyday while he was deployed using instant messager on facebook or hotmail.  But that's really all we did..chatted.  I was his link to normal life  away from living in fear of his life. We dreamed and chatted about lots of little things and sometimes big things.  But nothing really real and nothing much about real life other than things he had missed.

I realize now deployment was its own life cycle.  Eric and I both said (considering we have a fairly healthy strong marriage grounded in our faith) we would be just fine with reintegration.  But I can tell you now,, even with a healthy strong marriage, reintegration is tough.  Deployment is kind of like an opportunity to see what it would be like if your spouse or child passed away.  Maybe that sounds morbid but it is true.  Communication is limited and not normal.  All of the responsibilities are left to the spouse and family at home.  But now I'm at the point where I can talk about it because I'm starting to see how it changed me.

I viewed deployment as time I needed to endure.  We had to discuss tough things before he left....our wills and his wishes for his funeral and burial.  And hopefully they would return, deployment would end, and life would be back to normal.  I knew deployment would change my husband and son.  I wasn't sure how or in what ways and I hoped and prayed in not bad ways.  But I never thought it would change me necessarily.  People would ask me how they were doing and many times I would choke up.  And I thought ... I can't wait for this to pass...  except now I find myself chokingup because my heart is forever changed.

When Eric left, I tucked away the thought that if something happened and he didn't return, I would have to sell our house.  But about half way through I changed my thinking as I knew I was very capable.  We had many car issues, the kitchen fire, the broken lawn mower...the list is long.  There is an unwritten law about deployment that seems to state that the minute deployment starts issues start to happen. And I learned I could deal with it all.  For all of those lessons, I am thankful.  I am thankful for the strength I gained.  It is during times of stress, distress, and unrest, we grow the most.

But I'm the most thankful for the change in my heart.  I never expected to be so emotionally responsive and understanding to many things.  I didn't realize how tight I was holding myself to endure the year.  I didn't realize how it was affecting the boys and how hard it was for them emotionally, too.  But now I see.  And now I am thankful for the experience and for the changes we embraced and are yet to face and embrace. Without a doubt, there is more to come as history has taught us.

(btw.... not only is my heart forever changed...but I've been changing my tunes on my blog ;) ... stay tuned as I am still searching for a great playlist... these are just some fun ones for life should include fun!)

God Bless,
Love,
Monica

Prayer Request
1) Please keep the Manning family in your prayers as they send their son, Dyllan overseas today.  He was a good high school friend of Brenden's. 
2) Please pray for all of the military families who are adjusting to having their soldiers home.  Deployment causes many marriages to crumble.
3) Keep all of the soldiers in your prayers as many of them are dealing with PTSD and health issues.