For most, this photo means absolutely nothing. It's just a piggy bank and a bear. The piggy bank is new and the bear is old. To me, this photo is everything. Immediately tears streamed down my cheeks and I was taken back to the day I first saw the teddy bear.
Brenden's wife, Sarah, bought him his new piggy bank for his birthday. Today Bren is 23. He still loves his trinkets and toys. Bren says he named his new bank, Roofus. The bear's name is Bentley. I'm not sure if Brenden remembers that because I think the bear had a few different names through the years but mostly he was just called Bear. Bear came into Brenden's life because of the Bentley heart and lung machine. I don't think I saw Bear the first time I saw Brenden after his life-saving surgery. The tubes and wires that kept my four day old baby alive consumed my vision at that time. But I'm sure Bear was there. All babies who were placed on the heart and lung machine received a Bentley Bear.
Brenden was born in the afternoon of June 28th, in Ames, after quite a long labor. He was beautiful. Everything was perfectly normal for about 24 hours when they discovered Brenden's heart rate had increased and he was placed in intensive care. Up until that point, he seemed to be a very sleepy baby who didn't want to nurse. I had a small gut instinct that something was wrong and it was confirmed when they started doing some testing. We left Brenden in the care of our pediatrician and nurses.
The next morning, we arrived back at the hospital to confirmation from our pediatrician that it was Brenden's heart and he needed to be ambulanced to either Blank Children's Hospital or University of Iowa Hospital....which would we prefer? Well, Eric was 23 and I was 24..we were college students and had not experienced much of life...how do you make that decision? Our pediatrician said he would choose Iowa City but if we did that we would have to wait for an ambulance to arrive from there because there was no nurse available to travel from Ames to Iowa City. There are no words to describe the turmoil we were in as the clock ticked away. Time was crucial. And all of a sudden a nurse came forward who said she was able to go and within just a few minutes Brenden was in the ambulance and on his way.
Eric and I rushed home to our apartment. My mom was there with Brady, who was 2, and we quickly threw things into a suitcase for us and left for Iowa City. It was decided Eric's mom would come through Ames and pick up my mom and Brady and meet us there.
Our car was silent for the two hour ride. We had no idea where we were going or exactly where they had taken our newborn baby. My prayers had turned to begging and pleading with God to please make my baby okay. I don't have any memories of how we found the waiting room but we were greeted in the waiting room by my brother and sister-in-law. They had left work immediately and beat us there and I remember falling into my brother's arms. I have never forgotten their support and comfort at that time and I'm so glad we were not alone.
As the day passed, other family members arrived. I'm not sure if I remember much of that time..but my dad, Eric's mom, my mom and Brady, and my sister, Lora for sure were there. Lora took Brady with her and we all waited agonizingly for news.
Testing was extensive and sometime around 2am...we were exhausted...we found out that Brenden had an interrupted aortic arch, multiple ASD's and VSD's, and a misplaced right subclavian artery. In layman's terms, he was missing the top part of his aorta and he had multiple holes between the upper and lower chambers of his heart. The artery that fed his right arm was not an issue but had simply "miraculously" grown in a different place to feed his right arm. He needed immediate surgery. He had stablized so they were letting him rest. They were hoping to contact the one surgeon, Dr. Behrendt, they felt could do the surgery but he was leaving for vacation so they didn't know if he was available. They told us to get some rest and to be back at the hospital at 6am.
We found a hotel and tried to crash for a few short hours.... I don't think any of us slept. And we arrived back at the hospital to find out Dr. Behrendt had postponed his vacation. We were just in time to see Brenden one last time before they wheeled him away. They left us sitting in a waiting room with no guarantees of ever seeing Brenden alive again.
We attempted to eat some breakfast in the cafeteria. No one was hungry. But my mom choked down her oatmeal saying that even though it was the worst oatmeal she had ever had she would do it for Brenden. That moment eventually became one of our funny memories.
We waited and waited...and waited. The waiting room was divided in sections so families would have their "own space". Iowa City receives some of the worst intensive care situations..children and adults..so sobbing was often heard. There were times we would hear of stories worse than our own. Funny how we could sit and think that we were thankful for what we were dealing with and not a worse situation...even though ours was equally just as horrifying.
And finally, late in the afternoon, Dr. Behrendt emerged to tell us the surgery was successful but we were not out of the woods yet. Brenden's heart was the size of a large strawberry (all newborns are). He decided to give him the best chance possible by doing all of the repairs they could which was not typically done. They rebuilt his aorta with a piece of human donor aorta and they closed as many holes as they could. The next few hours would be crucial and he listed off all of the problems that could arise...kidney failure, liver failure, and on and on.
We had one moment where Bren's blood pressure dropped and things became very critical. Eventually, they called for Eric and I to go see him. We walked tentatively..holding hands...excited and so scared. Brenden was being monitored by a team of people. We stepped into his room and stood back from his bed. He was attached to so many tubes and wires that he no longer looked like my baby but some sort of experiment. His arms and legs were stretched out and a huge bandage covered his chest. I looked and then I couldn't look..it was too much for both Eric and I. We had never seen anything like it ever before. We left and grandparents were allowed to visit. My mom asked me if she could snap some pictures. I hesitated. I didn't want to remember my baby like that...but if he didn't make it it would be all that we would have. So I said yes. I treasure those photographs today because they show us how to stand in the face of adversity and trust in our faith in God.
The next time we visited, I noticed Bear. I asked who had given Brenden the bear. The nurse casually said, "Oh all kids and babies who go on the Bentley heart and lung machine receive the bear..it's from the Bentley company".
Brenden endured two more open heart surgeries at the age of 4 months and 7 years. He was diagnosed with very mild cerebral palsy in his left foot and ankle and went through three serial castings, botox shots, and finally surgery after his foot broke for the second time... he has endured much without thought most of the time. We always tried to explain to him what was going on and we were always honest. He became our trinket boy...loved going to the gift shop and collecting just stuff which he most often kept in a wash bin from one of his hospital stays.
Bren married Sarah when he was 19...she knows he loves his trinkets... I think she says he has to keep them on his side of the bed. ;) And he puts special ones out at Christmas.
A few years ago, the surgeon, Dr. Behrendt, who saved Bren's life, retired. We were told by another doctor during Bren's first surgery that Dr. Behrendt was one of three surgeons in the United States at the time who was able to do what he did for Brenden that day. I think it is not a coincidence but a Godcidence that we chose Iowa City. And at Bren's 21 year check up, Dr. Morriss, Bren's pediatric cardiologist, told us she would be retiring. She was ever faithful to our family and meant so much to us over the years with Brenden's care. Brenden goes back every three years..or whenever they say..for check ups.
Bren is an amazing musician... he is so fun to watch play the bass or guitar..or ukele..or whatever. God had a plan from the beginning because he regrew Bren's artery to his right arm...so he could play so well. We were told if it hadn't done that he might not have had a right arm... God knows our paths.
And always by Brenden's side is his faithful Bear......
Happy 23rd Birthday, Brenden Michael Mahlon Pugh! We love you!
God Bless,
Love,
Monica
Ecclesiastes 11:5 Just as you know not how the breath of life fashions the human frame in the mother's womb, So you know not the work of God which he is accomplishing in the universe.
Bren.. Easter 2012
