Difficult is not the word

Logan's graduation day is over already. We've essentially prepared for his day since the day he was born.  It's an old cliche' that speaks to how quickly children grow up.  When you don't want time to pass quickly, it does.  Why?  And tonight I'm sitting here listening to the thunderstorm while time trickles by. 

I picked Eric up Friday evening and all of a sudden I was dropping him off again.  The weekend passed too quickly.  I don't have words to describe what it felt like.  I know I wanted to turn my car around.  I knew I had to keep driving.  Everyone may think I am strong but I don't want to do this. I don't feel the need to test my strength.  I do want to do a good job.  I don't want to face this year alone. I do want to rush into his arms at his homecoming.

I remember when I was a kid and I felt Christmas would never come and a year was eternity. And now as an adult I struggle to put wrapping paper away and take lights off the house because time gets away from me before it's almost time to put them up again.  Will this year pass quickly?  Will I blink and it be over just like my kids growing up?  A weekday morning can slip by but a Sunday afternoon and evening can drag with lonliness.  What will we experience with our time in the next year?

I was looking at my calendar today and beginning in July things look pretty quiet.  I should schedule my days, plan my trips. But I don't want to do anything without Eric.  I should work more. No.  I should be home with the kids.

I can only say that I see how conflicted my emotions are already in just a week and a half of him being active.  I do realize I can't put my life or the kids' lives on hold.  And I know things will change.  People change over the course of a year even if it is just a hairstyle.  In this next year, the kids will change grades without their dad. 

Difficult is not the word for deployment.  I'm not sure if there is one word to describe it.  So I will write.  Perceived fast or slow, time never stops for anything even my kids growing up.  And maybe at the end of this journey we will have a better description.

Prayer requests:
1) Safety
2) Sanity for all who desire it :)
3) Time and time management for the boys and I

Psalm 91: 9-11
You have the Lord for your refuge; you have made the Most High your stronghold.  No evil shall befall you, no affliction come near your tent. For God commands the angels to guard you in all your ways.

Love,
Monica