History is always in the making

December 7th, 1941.  I can't imagine the grief torn through the families who had loved ones stationed there.  And I'm sure there were many days of chaos and uncertainty as they waited to hear of survivors.  Both of my parents were around 10 years old when Pearl Harbor became history in the making.  While Pearl Harbor is history, so is our year of deployment.  Both changed my life.  But one  made me appreciate the sacrifice the military families in 1941 made for me. 

Over the last couple of weeks I have been revisiting the history of my life as I decorated my house for the holidays.  Last year at this time my heart was lacking the spirit with Brady and Eric gone.  So decorations were very limited.  But this year I have gone through every box and reminisced and we put out almost every decoration we own.

One of my Christmas trees was my Grandma Pieper's.  I can't believe I still have it.  It was Eric's and my first Christmas tree as a married couple 25 years ago.  When I pull it out of the box, the smell of old polyethylene triggers a memory of my childhood at Christmas time.  I don't always put this tree up.  But there was new sentiment this year for me as I pulled it out of the box once again.  I can think back to that time in my life as a 10 year old girl and know that I had no appreciation or understanding of anything military. But I can also imagine that my Gram was overcome with fear and insecurity as Pearl Harbor happened and she was a young mother with three young children. 

Our big family tree was my mom and dad's all of my teen years.  She gave me that tree in 1996 when my oldest son Brady was about 10.  Over the years we have collected and filled that tree with all of their ornaments plus ones from my childhood and a couple my Gram used to hang on her tree.  As I pulled out each one, I was reminded of the time it was made or given.  I treasure them. All three hundred are individually wrapped and as I pull out each one I try and repeat the story of where it came from or whose it was.  My boys often say to me, "I know Mom".  But someday I hope at least one of them will appreciate the history behind them all like I do. 

A couple of our other trees, we have five, remind me of the journey we have taken as a family.  Our smallest tree was always in the stairwell of the house we built.  Our slim 7 foot tree was bought for our second country house because we had no room at the inn for a big tree.  And my white tree was purchased from a garage sale with my dearest friend, Melody.  That tree will always remind me of great times with a great friend.

 I am sure by Christmas in 1941 most of the family members of the lost soldiers knew their loved one was gone.  I'm sure Christmas that year was a very devastating time for them.  I am so thankful to be facing holidays with my soldiers home and so grateful for all our military men and women who served and lost their lives for my freedom.  Their sacrifice gives me and my family the freedom to celebrate Jesus' birth and the freedom to enjoy all these wonderful Christmas memories.

A little section of Gram's tree.  It has been decorated many ways over the years. 

I used to help my Gram put this tree together. It is very fragile and I treasure it.

My childhood radio flyer sled... We pulled the kids on it when they were little.  I adore it decorated on my porch.

Our family tree.. I think Ayden loves the tree topper because it has been around his whole life. It is his history.

This is an old ornament from my childhood...I didn't realize until I was an adult that it wasn't Jesus.  :)  But I tell my kids every year it is hung that I thought this was Jesus when I was a little girl.  They inform me they know.

And this is another ornament from my childhood... a favorite.

I hope you'll all take time to reflect  this Christmas season over your own histories, good or bad, and count your blessings. Our histories make us who we are.

God Bless,

much love and Merry Christmas,

Monica

Luke 2:11-14

For today in the city of David a savior has been born for you who is Messiah and Lord.  And this will be a sign for you: you will find an infant wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger." And suddenly there was a multitude of the heavenly host with the angel, praising God and saying: "Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests."

Thankful I'm forever changed

Post deployment.  Reintegration. Adjusting. There is help available. These were words that we heard often during the last couple months of Eric's deployment and after he returned. Eric has been home for four months.  Brady has been home for three (but only one here at home as he's now back in college).  And I haven't written much because we've been doing just that...reintegrating and adjusting.

Eric and I chatted almost everyday while he was deployed using instant messager on facebook or hotmail.  But that's really all we did..chatted.  I was his link to normal life  away from living in fear of his life. We dreamed and chatted about lots of little things and sometimes big things.  But nothing really real and nothing much about real life other than things he had missed.

I realize now deployment was its own life cycle.  Eric and I both said (considering we have a fairly healthy strong marriage grounded in our faith) we would be just fine with reintegration.  But I can tell you now,, even with a healthy strong marriage, reintegration is tough.  Deployment is kind of like an opportunity to see what it would be like if your spouse or child passed away.  Maybe that sounds morbid but it is true.  Communication is limited and not normal.  All of the responsibilities are left to the spouse and family at home.  But now I'm at the point where I can talk about it because I'm starting to see how it changed me.

I viewed deployment as time I needed to endure.  We had to discuss tough things before he left....our wills and his wishes for his funeral and burial.  And hopefully they would return, deployment would end, and life would be back to normal.  I knew deployment would change my husband and son.  I wasn't sure how or in what ways and I hoped and prayed in not bad ways.  But I never thought it would change me necessarily.  People would ask me how they were doing and many times I would choke up.  And I thought ... I can't wait for this to pass...  except now I find myself chokingup because my heart is forever changed.

When Eric left, I tucked away the thought that if something happened and he didn't return, I would have to sell our house.  But about half way through I changed my thinking as I knew I was very capable.  We had many car issues, the kitchen fire, the broken lawn mower...the list is long.  There is an unwritten law about deployment that seems to state that the minute deployment starts issues start to happen. And I learned I could deal with it all.  For all of those lessons, I am thankful.  I am thankful for the strength I gained.  It is during times of stress, distress, and unrest, we grow the most.

But I'm the most thankful for the change in my heart.  I never expected to be so emotionally responsive and understanding to many things.  I didn't realize how tight I was holding myself to endure the year.  I didn't realize how it was affecting the boys and how hard it was for them emotionally, too.  But now I see.  And now I am thankful for the experience and for the changes we embraced and are yet to face and embrace. Without a doubt, there is more to come as history has taught us.

(btw.... not only is my heart forever changed...but I've been changing my tunes on my blog ;) ... stay tuned as I am still searching for a great playlist... these are just some fun ones for life should include fun!)

God Bless,
Love,
Monica

Prayer Request
1) Please keep the Manning family in your prayers as they send their son, Dyllan overseas today.  He was a good high school friend of Brenden's. 
2) Please pray for all of the military families who are adjusting to having their soldiers home.  Deployment causes many marriages to crumble.
3) Keep all of the soldiers in your prayers as many of them are dealing with PTSD and health issues.

Be Careful

That's what Brady's friend, Cody, says to anyone who might be accepting an invitation to the Pugh's for dinner.  We started juicing about three weeks ago.  And by juicing I mean putting lots of fruits and vegetables in a juicer...not steroids (apparently that is also called juicing).  My mom casually mentioned the documentary Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead to me.  Eric and I watched it and found ourselves inspired to give it a try.  I then mentioned it to our friends, Justin and Melody, and they started juicing the next day.  They mentioned it to more friends and now we have a huge community of friends who are juicing.  Most are juicing once or twice a day for huge nutritional benefits not necessarily to lose weight. Cody just happened to be with us the day our juicer came and helped us buy our first load of produce at Costco.  We then went home for a dinner of juice....  and a family movie night of Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead on Netflix; Cody included.  The guys were inspired, as well, after the documentary...maybe I should say they held some reserved enthusiasm.  Except they are guys and the thought of seeing what happened to whatever they put in the juicer really peaked their interest more than anything I think.  So we all stood around in the kitchen while we prepped produce and oohed and ahhhed as juice came out.  And then we divided up our juice concoction and toasted to our health!  And in the days that followed we realized one juicer wasn't enough because we had to wait our turn.  So now we have two.  Laramy announced after the second day that he felt better.  That speaks volumes because he only eats raw carrots, meat, and junk food.  Brady and Ayden were in from the beginning and will basically drink anything.  Brady even bought his own juicer for his apartment.  Bren and Sarah were up and they gave it a try, too.  Logan has been the most skeptical.  But I found out he has been juicing by himself and he is trying anything I make.  And a few days ago my mom and dad started juicing, too. 

One of these things is not like the others....... well, they are nuts ;)

Pretty and colorful.... who would not love this?

Eric and I started our venture by trying to do a juice fast for ten days.  The first two days went really well and I never felt hungry although it was quite a mental game and I wished I could chew something.  By day three I had dropped four pounds and I was a little concerned about the fast weight loss but I felt great.  By the end of day three Eric and I both wanted to season our juice with some grilled chicken!  And it was then that we realized we both needed protein with our juice.  So by day four I was eating some nuts with my juice and some healthy meat with my dinner juice.  Since then we haven't really stopped juicing.  We are making it a way of life and I feel really, really good.  I juice for breakfast and lunch and eat a normal dinner. 

This is not juice...everything in moderation...we went out to eat and these are loaded waffle fries

Brady also bought a bike...not just any bike... a Giant full carbon frame bike.  It only weighs eight pounds.  And now we are all biking, too.  I am so very excited.  I completed my first RAGBRAI when I was forty-two to the surprise and amazement of my sons and husband.  Ayden bought his first bike when he was nine with his paper money and he completed his first RAGBRAI at the age of 11.  Eric has been our crew and he wasn't sure he ever wanted to bike that much until this summer.  I fixed up my first bike for him to get started and he loves it.  Logan bought a hybrid for transportation to work. And Laramy started riding Eric's bike during the day while he is at work.  Last week myself, Brady, Laramy, and Ayden rode to Pammel and back... a great accomplishment for Laramy.  And the next day Brady, Ayden, and I took Logan on a 15 mile journey mostly around town.  Logan was quite impressive with keeping up and while we nearly killed him he is inspired to start riding more with us too.  I have to say that I felt like a momma hen with her brood of chicks following behind....... it was awesome!!  We are now living with five bikes in our dining/living room and one on the porch.  I love it.

Ayden and I starting out on our 100 mile day RAGBRAI 2011..next year our group will be bigger

And so this brings me back to Cody, Brady's friend.  Brady and Laramy were heading out for a ride and Cody decided he wanted to go along.  In fact, he thought Pammel sounded like a great idea..he was in... Not the best thing to choose for your first ride with the Pugh's.  But apparently we didn't kill his spirit for riding as he says he would do it again and felt great.  He does, however, tease that everyone should be careful about any invitations they accept from the Pugh's... as dinner might just be juice and a bike ride is not just a casual stroll. 

We are enjoying summer...hope you all are too!
God Bless,
Love,
Monica

My mind is full of blog

My husband ate a purple onion slice.... raw.  It was on his sandwich but it was still raw.  He also ate horseradish sauce on his roast beef Saturday night.  I wouldn't have noticed either incident except he made a comment about how good they both tasted.  And then I sat and stared in amazment and wondered if he had left part of himself in Afghanistan.  And then I mentioned to him that I had been eating baked beans...three times since he's been home.  For those of you who know our eating habits intimately you know that Eric is (or was) very, very picky and I am not.  But I don't eat baked beans and he doesn't eat onions or horseradish.  Could it be that we missed each other so much that we assumed each others' habits?  Maybe.  But I also know that deployment changes your life and so maybe what we eat just isn't that important anymore except that we're just thankful to be sharing a meal together.

On June 18, I was driving from the hardware store to the grocery, when my car rang. Her name is Genesis and she takes control of my phone when I start her. I didn't recognize the number on the display.  I answered.  It was Eric saying he was in Wisconsin.  I had heard Eric's voice less than 10 times during the year.  So to hear his voice and hear him say he was close to home was unbelievable.  He had to go and I sat in my car for a few minutes steeling myself up to make a quick dash through the grocery.  I went in hoping I wouldn't see anyone I knew (not really a hopeful thought since we live in a small town).  I made it to the fast lane just in time to run into someone who said, "How's the guys?"  And I lost it and started tearing up.  Poor guy thought something bad had happened but I choked out that Eric had just made it to the states. I guess I didn't really realize how tight I was holding myself all year long until that moment.  And then finally last Monday we received the same phone call from Brady.  I haven't heard Brady's voice at all since he went back after his leave four months ago.  I can't describe in words the difference in my feelings about my husband's deployment and my son's. They are completely different. In fact, I think I've stuffed feelings about Brady's deployment away because it was just too much for me as his mother.  But in just a few short days this round will be completely over.  Will they ever be deployed again?  We don't know.  I do know that even though I wouldn't want to handle it, I could.  And so could they. 

Well, I keep finding myself staring at Eric as he moves around the house.  I keep wondering if he is really actually here and he looks sooooo good I can't keep my eyes off of him.  And then he says, "What?"  To which I don't have an answer except, "You just look so good!"  We bought him a couple of tank tops to work out in and he is sporting one today.  He was feeling a little self-concious about my continual gaze so he asked if it was okay to wear to which I said, "you're so okay you could go strapless if you want!" Laughter is good for reintegration.

We have both said it is a good thing we like each other because readjusting has been stressful for us at times.  I have taken care of everything and had to answer to no one for 14 months.  He has lived in constant fear of his life and had to answer to everyone for 14 months.  He is adjusting to seeing women and looking them in the eye along with the freedom to do what he wishes and eat when he wants.  Some may say he is enjoying his cocktail hour, which occurs whenever he wants, a little too much but I say he is entitled.

So I am full of blog!  Eric, the boys, and I have been chillaxin', biking, and hanging in our pool almost daily.  We are enjoying every minute of Eric being home which is why I have neglected my blog and even facebook.  But even though this deployment is almost completely over I will continue writing.  I enjoy it and we are still a military family and there is never a dull moment it seems in our lives.  I hope you'll continue to read and I hope I have lots of inspiration from less stressful things to write about.

Eric and I celebrated our 25th anniversary by biking around Ames and visiting campus and Hickory Park. We started our lives togethether in Ames and had three children by the time we left.  We snapped this picture under the campanile.

We cannot express enough how thankful we are for everyone's prayers, support, and words of encouragement throughout this deployment.

God Bless,
Love,
Monica

Bring on the next 25!!

I am counting down.  Eric told me no countdowns.  But I can't help it and neither can he.  I have teased a lot about all the things I've done while he has been gone..mostly to people and not Eric.  But many of those things kept me busy and my mind occupied. 

Last Tuesday, June 7th, was our 25th wedding anniversary.  When Eric found out he was leaving, one of my first thoughts was that he would miss our anniversary.  But it was just a day in our lives.  Nothing special happened and may not have even happened if he had been here.  He has missed so many more important things like Laramy getting his license and Ayden's first swim meet and Logan heading off to college and finishing his first year.  I have thought at times that the year hasn't seemed too long until I go back and think about all that has happened.  And then I realize it has been a long time. Even the last 25 years seem to have blinked by until I think back to all we have done and experienced. 

Eric and I have spent a lot of time chatting about our dreams and goals and how we want our life to be together upon his return.  I know that has helped to keep his mind occupied at times, too.  But we moved three times in five years (we moved 7 times total in 25 years) and moves always involve change and stress. 

So before Eric left we kind of decided that I would spend the year getting our life organized from the moves because that's what I  love to do..organize.  And so that's what I've done.  And I used this time apart as a positive thing in our life even though it has been incredibly difficult. 

I started with our money and studied Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover and then I sent it to him and he read it.  So while I was in charge of our finances, we talked through everything.  I can't recommend Dave Ramsey enough.

And then I started organizing...and I started with his garage.  Most men gasp when I mention this but... I did it with the knowledge that it is going to be torn down soon..very soon.  I also straightened his tools in the basement.  But I had to because I straightened his tools in the garage.  I threw out most of his clothes.  But he needs new and he has lost a lot of weight...a lot.  And I also started shopping for him on end of season racks so he is coming home to some fun stuff.  I also stole his side of the bed.  We've slept in the same spots for 25 years and now we are switching.  But he also has a new memory foam mattress to come home to and now he sleeps closer to the door which will be to his benefit.

I've painted almost every room, moved things around, and shuffled stuff until I was satisfied.  He will be coming home to lots of changes and nice surprises. We will probably discover some of my changes together because I've long since forgotten he doesn't know about them.  But it will be good because we will all have a lot of adjusting to do. 

It just doesn't matter what he's missed or the changes I've made. We have still been married for 25 years. Most importantly he is coming home to a safe place, full of love, ready and waiting, where he will no longer live in fear every day.

Happy Silver Anniversary..... can't wait to see what the next 25 brings us!

Thank you, everyone, for all of your prayers and support! It has meant so much to both of us. Remember to make each day count and not just the special ones.

God Bless,

Love,

Monica

May the force be with you.....

I just signed out for the last time with Eric and our regular morning chat sessions. HTIME (happy tears in my eyes).  I feel very fortunate to have been able to IM with him almost every morning my time..his evening.  From this point on, I won't know for sure when he will have computer access which is the way it is for many of our soldiers daily.  I have been incredibly blessed with having that luxury.  And on days when I didn't hear from him my anxiety level always rose wondering if he was still okay.  But I have learned to use prayer and humor to keep myself in check.  And, so, I thought you would all enjoy this last picture that came through today. 

Right after Eric left last fall, we sent him a light saber for "protection".  We are, after all, a Star Wars family and we knew his mission wouldn't be complete without it.  I am happy to see that it is still helping him and has made the customs inspection. 

I love you SSG Pugh and can't wait to see you face to face!

God Bless,
Love,
Monica

Prayer requests:
1) Remember that despite the fun pictures there is no safe place in that very dangerous country. Please continue to pray for all of our troops daily.
2) Please pray for Missy and Cecil Hoskins who married on their leave last month but haven't seen each other or possibly spoken to each other since they returned to finish their tours.  Pray they both stay safe and have a hedge of protection around them.  Missy graduated with Brady. 
3) Pray for our troops who are starting their processes to come home..timely flights and not too much hurry up and wait.
4) Pray for the next five-ish weeks and nine-ish weeks to pass quickly!

Let the summer begin!

Tree frogs can make a momma blood-curdle scream if they jump on her arm and subsequently make her "pond" overflow!  I was putting in the last of the annuals this morning by the fence when all of a sudden a slimy something landed on my arm and out of my mouth came the loudest scream.  Fortunately, the moment wasn't lost on just me because Logan was on the other side of the fence mowing..yes, mowing (I scream loud).  He stopped the mower and came running to my aid...(interpretation: he is tall and peaked over the fence).  But tree frogs are cute so I quickly caught it and showed him what was causing his mother so much distress.  It's not the frog..it's the jumping.  We have been possibly listening to this frog for the last couple of nights as he has enjoyed a late night dip in our actual pond.  So it was kind of fun to see what had been making all that peaceful racket.  Ayden snapped a quick picture and we put him back on the rocks below the deck. 

Speaking of my pond...it is running.  I mentioned this to a co-worker last week.  I said, "Our pond is running".  I was thinking she had enjoyed some time on my deck.  Apparently she had not.  Because she said, "What does that mean? Are you peeing your pants?".  I burst into laughter which at times can be dangerous for me and make my "pond" overflow!  We do have a wonderful water feature that Brady installed last spring and we are enjoying it very much (even though I think it has a leak :( ).  The frogs are enjoying it too and so are the birds.  We just need to go fishing and catch some small sunnies.  We are so looking forward to hanging out on the deck enjoying the summer sounds when Eric and Brady return.  We are ready!

Eric...you've been asking for some pictures.....

Silly tree frog....  I think I squeezed him so hard his "pond" overflowed...

One of your surprises... a new columbine...isn't it beautiful?!

The Bleeding Heart bush looks awesome this year...

Baby robins on my 2nd story closet window ledge...momma doesn't like me watching at all

And at last..the pond...including the baby mouse ears hosta at the bottom right....

God Bless,

Love,

Monica

Prayer Requests:

1) Please pray for physical stamina for Eric as he finishes up and for all of the soldiers in his unit.  They are worn and tired and excited to come home.

2) Praise for God's creations...they have given me great purpose this spring and helped to keep my mind occupied.  I have enjoyed them because Eric and Brady enjoy them so much.  Brady worked so hard on our yard last spring.  It is so much appreciated, son. 

3) Continue to pray for safety for them and for all of our soldiers who will continue on and those who will take over.

4) Praise for my health and my doctors who have gotten me to this point.  Last year at this time I would not have been able to do all of the yard work that I have done this spring.  I am so thankful that during this stressful year my health has improved immeasurably.